Kshama

Kshama: The Ornament of the Brave

A children's joke to begin: Two ants are walking along when a mighty elephant comes swaying across their path. One ant turns to the other and says, "Shall we beat this elephant up?" The second ant replies, "Oh, let him go. Let's forgive him. The poor fellow is all alone!"

A young woman, in the final stages of cancer, commissioned a famous painter to create her exact portrait. Then she asked him to paint lavish ornaments on every part of the body — gold, diamonds, precious gems. She said, "I will hang this jewel-laden portrait in the drawing room of our home, and then I will take my leave. If my husband remarries, his new wife will see these jewels and there will be quarrels between them every single day. I will never forgive him for marrying again, even after my death."

Set against that consider a different story from the Mahabharata. On the eighteenth night of the war, Ashwatthama crept into the Pandava camp and slaughtered their five sleeping, unarmed sons. Bheem and Arjun captured Ashwatthama and dragged him before Draupadi, ready to kill him — and this would have been entirely justified. But Draupadi said: "I have known the grief of losing my sons. Therefore, let Ashwatthama be forgiven." That is true Kshama. The Kshama of the courageous.

Meanwhile, the cancer-stricken woman, even from her deathbed, plots an act of such Dvesh (hatred) and Irsha (jealousy) that it would torment her husband and his new wife long after she is gone.

The Power of Kshama

क्षमा बलम् अशक्तानाम् शक्तानाम् भूषणं क्षमा। क्षमा वशीकृतिर्लोके क्षमा किम् न साध्यते॥

For the weak, Kshama is the strength by which they preserve their life. But for the strong, for the truly brave, Kshama is an ornament. In this world, Kshama has the power to win hearts. What, indeed, cannot be accomplished through Kshama?

Bharatiya Sanskriti considers the development, upliftment, and progress of human life as its central concern. It places great emphasis on Kshama as the path to spiritual advancement.

The Earth herself is the very symbol of Kshama. Each morning, as we place our feet upon the ground, we recite: Paadasparsham kshamasva me... — "Forgive me, O Earth, for the touch of my feet." We begin each day by asking the Earth for her forgiveness.

The Shivaparadha Kshamapan Stotram, the Devyaparadha Kshamapan Stotram, and the concluding words of every Puja — Kshamyatam Parameshwar — all are hymns that invoke the forgiveness of the Divine. Kshama is the greatest Tapas (austerity), the greatest Jnana (knowledge), and the greatest Dana (gift). A person's ornament is their Roop (form); Roop's ornament is Guna (virtue); Guna's ornament is Jnana; and Jnana's ornament is Kshama.

Forgiveness Across Traditions

The author Colin Tipping wrote a book called Radical Forgiveness. Based on its principles, hundreds of clinics have opened across America. In their six-week courses, participants learn to free themselves from the burdens of the past and to live fully in the present.

In Bharatiya Sanskriti and in every major Dharma tradition, the importance of seeking Kshama has been taught.

In the Jain tradition, on the day of Samvatsari, one says Michhami Dukkadam — seeking and offering Kshama. These are two distinct acts, and their effects are different. Asking for Kshama is somewhat easier than granting it. When asking for forgiveness, one must dissolve the Aham (ego). Whether or not the other person forgives, the one who sincerely asks experiences an inner purification. In the process of asking for and granting Kshama, intense feelings and waves of Vair (enmity) may rise within the heart. A person is wounded most deeply when they become the victim of someone else's injustice.

Kshama as Liberation

There was a Sannyasi named Chandrakaushik, whose terrible Krodh (anger) caused him to be reborn as a fearsome, venomous serpent — so poisonous that even his gaze carried the venom of Kalakut. Through Bhagwan Mahavir's spirit of Kshama, that serpent's rage was tamed, melted away. After deep remorse, Chandrakaushik set out on the path of Moksha.

"Krodh ghano hashe toy adhuro laagshe, Kshama thodi hashe toy madhuri laagshe."

"However great the anger, it will always feel incomplete. However small the forgiveness, it will always taste sweet."

Bhagwan Mahavir once told his chief disciple Gautam: "When you forgive, first a feeling of Ahlad (delight) arises. Then a special kind of Prasannata (serenity) awakens. From that serenity comes Maitri Bhav (friendliness) toward all living beings. From Maitri Bhav comes purification of feeling. And when feeling is purified, a person becomes Nirbhay (fearless). That is why Kshama is called the supreme virtue. It is inseparable from Ahimsa."

Mahatma Gandhi used to say that drinking the nectar of Bhavtarini Kshama — the Kshama that carries one across the ocean of worldly existence — one can cross even the vast Sagar (ocean) of life.

We know the stories of Gautam Buddha and the dacoit Angulimal, and countless such episodes where the Lord's Kshama and Karuna (compassion) flowed freely.

The Weight of Unforgiveness

How often we commit some offence against another person and feel too ashamed or proud to ask for their Kshama. How often, when someone wrongs us, we refuse to forgive, and until we do, the mind knows no peace. It simmers and churns. Sometimes the fear of retaliation — an unnamed, unspoken dread of a counterattack — eats away at us. The depression, the anxiety, the Hatasha (despair) that plagues so many today — often, at its root, lies a history of Vair (enmity). The only remedy for this knot of resentment and fear is Kshama, which alone grants peace of mind.

In today's age of tension and stress, everything must be fast, quick, first — Fast Forward. If only that F.F. could become F.F. = Forget and Forgive, then tension and stress would truly diminish.

"पुष्पकोटिसमं स्तोत्रं, स्तोत्रकोटिसमं जपः। जपकोटिसमं ध्यानं, ध्यानकोटिसमं क्षमा॥"

Offering millions of flowers is equal to reciting one Stotram. Reciting millions of Stotras is equal to doing Japa. Millions of Japa are equal to one session of deep Dhyana (meditation). But a single act of Kshama is equal to — and greater than — millions of Dhyana.

A warrior's Veerta (valour) lies in wielding the sword, the spear, the mace, and the bow. But when Kshama is added to that valour, it becomes an ornament — like fragrance added to gold. That is why it is said:

"Kshama Virasya Bhushanam" — Kshama is the ornament of the brave.

In the stories told during Adhik Maas, there are the relationships of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, Derani and Jethani, Bhabhi and Nanand — and in those bonds, knowingly or unknowingly, mistakes are made and endured. If the practice of forgiving those mistakes could begin, the blessings of Purushottam Bhagwan would rain upon those relationships.